I will be gone in a week. There is only one thing that would make me stay, and although my hope, and faith is strong, I don’t know if I believe in miracles of the heart anymore. I will go with a heavy soul without resolution, as this causes my grief more than nothing else. I cannot move freely without having peace. To realize that I have been the true source of my pain, just makes it all the more bitter to swallow. I realize that these are letters to confess, however; what is in my heart is reserved for the one who wants it if he so desires. All I have left in the world, is my strength, my will, and my heart. Still, if I find no harmony; I will take my heavy heart, hold my head high, and gracefully bow out.
The pain of I felt when you left was terrible. It started to lessen as we became friends again, but it still hurts every time I see you. Now the thought that I may never get see you again is tearing me apart. I know things could never go back to how they once were, but not having you in my life in anyway is unthinkable. You have been my best friend for pretty much my entire adult life. I hope that no matter where you go or what you do with your life you are happy. I don’t think you will ever know how much I am going to miss you. I just hope that one day you look back fondly on our time together.
You are my mother so I must love you, but I can no longer stand you living with me. I took you in to help you stay away from your abusive ex-husband, and the drugs. In this I have succeeded. In every other way you have abused my hospitality. All I have asked have been simple things. If I leave something on the kitchen table and then leave for an hour I expect it to still be there. If I leave with a program running on my computer I expect it to still be running when I get back. If I leave some cash in my bedroom I expect it to still be there, unless there is some huge emergency. This was supposed to be temporary until you could get on your feet. It has been close to two years now. You have made my life so much harder. You helped drive away my partner of many years. I cannot do this anymore. We cannot both live her any more, and it is my house damn it.
I am very much annoyed with myself at this point in time. I have very foolishly entered into a relationship with someone that I thought could make me happy. I am not sitting here and I have no idea what it is that I should do next. I moved in with him after only knowing him for three days, I knew that I loved him and I thought that I had been blessed by fate. Then he is sick and he doesn’t feel like physical contact then he is spends almost all of his time texting on his phone.
Then I lose my head and I look through the phone just to see and there it is a naked picture of a girl and an answer to the picture that I didn’t want to hear. Then I forgive you, but you do not stop. There is a picture of a new girl. You leave for the day and come back with a hickey on your neck and the deny it’s very existence. Then you break my heart and tell me that there is too much in your life to deal with a girlfriend. Then two days later you show up with another hickey on you neck.
It kills me. It’s not that I am so upset about him but that I always fail. I am so tired of failing. I am lost alone and I don’t know what to do next. I just don’t know what to do. I am sick of picking up the pieces of my life. I am afraid that the only way for me not to have to do this is to be alone. My greatest fear is being alone. I don’t want to be alone anymore. He is in the room with me now, but I have never felt more alone in the world than I do now.
We have had a roller coaster of a relationship the last few years, sometimes you have something for me, other times you are just empty inside… it hurts to see you so empty, and to know that you may be empty for a while. I have tried talking to you, begging you to just be ‘more’ but you give me nothing, I put so much into you and everything just rips you open and takes it all out. I am sorry we let the bank have it’s way with you, had I known that was going to happen we would have never introduced you.
I hope you will help be more stingy with yourself in the future, not allow your insides to become so empty. I know it is going to take a lot of work on my part to fix this relationship, but we will get there, we will figure it out like we always do… I need you, and I love you… I just wish there was more in you. 
oh wait, you already did that to me. After 13 years of friendship and you just drop me. I wanted to – no I deserved to – be the one to drop you! I need to let you go, the friendship is over, isn’t that what matters?
NO!
I need closure. For some weird reason I want to tell you everything that has been sitting inside me all these years. I want to tell you how hurt it made me every time you would ignore me for months and then all of a sudden act like nothing was wrong. Why did I love you so much? Was it because deep inside I wanted a friend so badly that I was willing to put up with you?
I want to tell you this to your face!
But you have unfriended me on facebook, won’t return my calls or emails. What gives you the right to drop me? Why did you get the pleasure of dragging me along on a 13 year friendship and then you say when to rip the chord?
I feel so used, so cheated. I don’t even get the pleasure of telling you off.
Perhaps that is wise. I should have let you go when you graduated high school. It is hard to do that when we live in the same small town the entire 13 years though. My friends know you and running into you is so possible.
You were my maid of honor!
I was at your son’s birth!
I was there for you when your baby’s daddy cheated on you!
I helped you with your business by introducing you to my friends.
And the entire time you kept acting like you were there for me too. But you started to show your true colors. You started to answer less and less phone calls.
I just want to know what you think I did wrong – cause you are insane! I have been nothing but a good friend to you! I am not writing this letter because I want you back as a friend – you suck at that job – but I want closure. I want vindication. I want to say goodbye. I don’t want you to be the one to drop me because I don’t deserve that!
But at least I got it all out and I can move on.
Signed,
Too Good a Friend For You.
