You said that I was your only reason for being “alive.” I have loved you with my whole heart since the moment I met you. Your mysteriousness, your charm, it all attracted you to me. I fell in love with your family. I love you, I love Alice, I even love Rosalie’s harshness.
Then you left me. I have been dead since that moment. I have no reason to live, you took my heart and my life when you moved away, never talking to me. I’m not dead the way you are, but worse. I can’t do anything- I don’t eat, I don’t see any of my friends. Charlie is worried that I may kill myself. My dreams are filled with you, they tear through me in the middle of the night, ripping through me in screams of agony and tearing me up like a hidden beast lying within.
It eats at me just waiting to kill me. I enjoy the pain. It reminds me that you really did exist. It keeps me alive to feel that raw, burning love deep inside me. I miss you Edward- I miss you’re cold sparkly skin, your sweet smell and your protection that I never knew I needed. I need you Edward. I need you to protect me from myself. I love you, and I will always love you. I can’t leave Forks. I can’t ever leave for fear that you will come back and I will miss you. Come back to me Edward.
Love always,
Bella
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3 Responses to “Dear Edward… from Bella”
Posted: Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
OK, so here comes Unsolicited Advice from Dr Gec, episode X
1. No more self pity. You’re not the first, and not the last person getting dumped. We all got dumped at some point. We all felt sorry for ourselves. We blamed “the other”, for being evil and selfish, but guess what? “The other” doesn’t care.
2. No more scenarios in your head. Stop playing that tape over and over again, imagining that he’ll someday feel sorry for what he did. He most probably won’t.
3. Things will never be the same. Even if he does come back to you, it will never be the same. Things are now in motion that cannot be undone. Flow with it, allow it to happen, cut the cord. Your energy is drained from you through this cord that connects the two of you. It must be cut.
4. You don’t really want him back. You think you do, but if he comes back, as I said, you and him will have changed and things won’t be the same. You don’t want him back, you want things to be as they were, but that’s impossible.
5. Stop asking yourself “why” or “why me”. It does not matter now. He didn’t appreciate your love. This fact alone disqualifies him – he’s not worthy, he doesn’t deserve your love. Cut the cord.
6. You can use your energy better. Do these things in this order: a) take a long purifying bath or shower, mentally cut the cord that ties you to Edward, tell yourself “this is it, NEW LIFE, here I come, FREEDOM, here I come, F**K ALL!”; b) eat one very large vegan salad, it will raise your mood and cleanse your body; c) call your girl friends and go out, dress up nicely and vent it out by gossiping about Ed, be sexy, flirt with strangers; d) make some changes to your life to mark the new you, like cutting out meat from your diet (replace with soy schnitzel, beans of all sorts etc)
7. The cord tends to re-form itself at first. Cut it again.
8. You go girl! Good luck!
Posted: Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
LOL Can you imagine how the movie/book would have gone if she took your advice? Definitely would have been different!
Posted: Jun 18th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
@Gec –
You know it’s a fan letter right ? From twilight ?