Dearest Matt, The Things We Have Done

Dearest Matt, the memories I have of you are so varied. There are the ones of riding with you and talking for hours, then there are the ones of the fights. We never really argued out loud, both being so damn passive aggressive. I think that’s what made them so bad, finding each others deepest darkest button and pressing it…. Not just little things about hairstyles, no we had to go deeper, past mistakes we would bring up just to hurt the other… you would think we hated one another.

So why did we stay together? For the sex? That was great, but it wasn’t everything. I think it was out of convenience, our schedules matched, we lived nearby, we had the same hobbies, neither was broke or dependent on the other. It was a mistake to stay with you, some of the things you said to me back then still affect me to this day, it’s ridiculous really that I allow it! You were a complete ass, not in the abusive sort of way, and I can’t say that I wasn’t as much of an ass as you were, that’s for sure. I knew better then, and I know better now… it still hurts.

If only I could find you now, see a picture, a little about your life- god how I hope you have gained lot’s of weight… I need closure, I am tired of seeing your eyes, those beautiful eyes, in my dreams. All these years later when I see a man with pretty eyes I think of you…. I hate your eyes…

Wishing I Could Forget You… L.