Your party was fun. I mean that sincerely. I’m glad I was there for the most part.

(PS: Thanks especially for making out with Liam, Ethan, and Cassie in front of us all. That didn’t make ANYONE feel awkward or anything…)

Love Always,
i.am.what.i.am

It was so great having lunch with you today. I still wonder why you came with me after having decided originally to not go. I can’t forget how our eyes locked for such a brief moment and I told you how nice your eyes looked in the light. The more I get to know you, the more I cannot stop thinking about you. I hate the weekends because I know I won’t see you till Monday., I also hate the fact that we did not get to walk to our cars together. I would have liked t know what you were doing over the weekend.

I hate the situation we’re in and the fact that I’m developing these strong feeling for you without you even knowing. I wish I could stroke your face and tell you how handsome you are. You will never understand my frustration. I only hope that we can continue being, at least, good friends. I can’t help but being near you and I hope you will allow me to do so. I never planned for this to happen and although we are both married, I can’t help but imagine!!! Please don’t stop looking my way….ever!!!!

-Love,
your crossword girl…-a

We all hung out together in the same group. We went everywhere and you got off on touching me and teasing me only feet away from your fiance, now wife. I was a lonely girl, on my own for the first time and I was looking for love. I wasn’t in love with you or even infatuated. I enjoyed the attention. Playing with fire I guess. It started oh so innocently. A little playing and flirting. Eventually it wasn’t enough for you.

You wanted more so you came to see me at my parents house while they were away and I was home alone. You came to see me in the shower which led to the bed and then I STOPPED IT. Not you- the one who was engaged. I was the single one with no attachments. How could you look her in the face? You came to see me at my apartment too and we were supposed to meet up with your fiance to go to the racetrack but she was convieniently (for you) late and you kissed me right up until she came in the door. I was mortified and felt horrible but you planned the whole thing and thought it was very funny. I really thought you wanted me to hang out. I was naive back then. I could’ve said no and I never let it get to actual sex…I always stopped it before then. I felt like such a scumbag. I wasn’t friends with her by any means, aquaintainces really but she was even more naive then me. She trusted you. She was like an lovable puppy, sweet and naive but oh so dumb. You preyed on that. Shame on me back then and shame on you for doing it to her.

The worst part was when you came over to my apartment, uninvited and wanted to give me a birthday gift. I couldn’t imagine what it was but it was something I turned away. You said you wanted to give me oral sex for my birthday. I pushed you away and sent you home. This was less than 2 weeks from your wedding to her!!! I couldn’t tell her because chances are she would have not believed me anyway and your character is so low you probably would have denied it too. I would have been hung out to dry all my myself..looking like a slut when you were the one coming after me time and time again.

I went to your wedding and it was so fancy and everyone was so happy but me. I was secretly a bit jealous but I couldn’t understand why you would say those vows when you had no intention of keeping them. How could you look her in the eyes-on her wedding day. I felt horrible. You came up to me and hugged and kissed me on the cheek and thanked me for coming. I felt so cheap.

That is when I finally cut all ties with all of you. I lost a whole group of friends, including my cousin for these secrets. Now you and your wife have a baby girl and sometimes I wonder if we ever really had sex would I have a child from you too? I count my blessings that I didn’t have sex with you and that didn’t happen but I wonder. Your wife, the stupid and sweet puppy dog im’d me on facebook and we chatted and she said I would make a great mom someday. You emailed me on facebook and wanted to know where I lived since I moved. My only guess is that you wanted to come over to hookup since I can clearly see you for the pig that you are now. I deleted you both off facebook since telling her now would just hurt her even more and keeping contact with you is a bad idea. I am in a great relationship now and he knows all about you and the dog you are. My guy now would love to hurt you for being such a dog and treating me like some hooker. I wonder how many other women you were with behind her back. I feel sorry for her and for myself because I was duped too into thinking we might have something but to you it was just fun and you didn’t care whose heart was involved. When your little girl grows up I don’t think you want men treating her the way you treated me and her mom but ya never know cuz karma is going to get you one way or another. I just hoped your little girl is spared. I guess for your wife ignorance is bliss but for me it was a lesson learned. I will never let you or any other man use me and see me as a piece of meat and not the amazing woman I have come to be. Live with yourself because I have and I am happy with me now. I have atoned for my past sins but someone like you may never change since you’re so far gone you don’t have a conscience anymore.

Do you even realize how fucking annoying you two are?! Look, you even have me SWEARING and I never do that!

All our friends hate you as a couple. I’m not exaggerating. We never see one of you without the other. You make out in public, you are always attached at the hip, and my God, he licks your face. HE LICKS YOUR FACE. There is something wrong with that picture.

You scare me when you talk about marrying him. First of all, you’re fifteen. Next, he’s your first boyfriend and you’re his first girlfriend. Ever heard of puppy love? Thirdly, and mots importantly, he’s not good for you. In fact, he’s really bad for you.

You used to be my friend and now I can never talk to you or hang out with you without HIM getting nosy or jealous or paranoid! You honestly aren’t good for each other. What do you see in him? He’s overprotective, rude, stupid, and mean!

He’s hurting you and your family. He’s stressing out your parents; he’s making you cry. He’s so insecure and he has to make you even more insecure to make you stay with him.

I just wish you two would break up. You don’t see it, but you’d honestly be so much happier without him. You wouldn’t hit him or cry over a fight with him or buy a new dress to make him happy or let him lick your face or be bipolar or jealous or angry or rude or any of those things that make it hell to be your friend now.

Yeah. Right now, it’s hell to be your friend.

When you’re with him, you’re codependent, dysfunctional, bipolar, and just plain irritating. I can’t STAND being around you when you’re with him.

Pretty soon I won’t be able to stand being around you at all.

I’m sorry to have to say it, but that’s the way it is.

I hate your boyfriend.

I try not to upset you, because these days you’re easily upset. I’m the constant in your life; unchanging. You can depend on me. You can trust me. And I’m SICK of it.

We’re so different. You like sports, coffee, and hats, I like books, smoothies, and jeans. You swear. I don’t. I’ve liked maybe three boys in my lifetime. You change crushes like you change clothes. But not this time.

This time, we both like the same guy (At least I think we do, but you don’t trust me enough to TELL me. I can read you like a book, though. So don’t think it’s not obvious). We like the same guy, and you’re a huge flirt, and I’m the shy one, and our roles are set, and it’s just a huge mess.

I’m tired of being your doormat. I’m tired of giving everything up so you’ll be happy. I usually let you walk all over me. But not anymore.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to start a fight over some stupid boy. But I’m not giving up before I’ve even tried. It’s just a shame you don’t know that I’ve decided to stand up for myself.

You know… we really need to talk.

But since we don’t anymore, I’ll send this letter out to the world, and hope that maybe someday you’ll see it.

Get one this straight-I might be married to someone in your family but we are not family. You don’t know me and I don’t give a shit about your loyalties. Apparently you are allowed to complain about your pathetic existence but when I say the slightest thing you need to jump in and act like you have something to teach me. The experiences I’ve been through in life would make your beaver looking head spin. Mommy & Daddy didn’t coddle me all through my life and kiss my ass. The more you talk the more I realize how damn stupid you are. I know landlord tenant laws like the back of my hand. Why? Because I’ve lived on my own in several places and dealt with more bullshit than you can handle. So next time you want to open your Bucky beaver trap think again- You are a mental midget and will just make an ass of yourself. Don’t come knocking on our door for anything because I will give you the exact amount of sympathy you gave me-zero.

YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT MY FAMILY AND MY EXES THAN I DO FOR FUCK’S SAKE. You know things about people I would rather not see again that *I* didn’t actually want to know. You have forced me into conversations about people and events that I would rather not think about or discuss ever again, and that are NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS. And I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you were doing all this in the first place, or the fact that you’re so oblivious to how absolutely INSANE you are that you think it’s okay to admit what you do, and start CONVERSATIONS ABOUT IT. Seriously, dude….WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???!!!

Ever since the worst of it came out a few weeks ago, and thanks to your ‘research’ I was forced to think about things I have been trying to black out of my memory for YEARS now, I’ve been going out of my damn mind. Yes, I know you well, and I know you HAVE done things like this in the past, but silly me, I thought till now that even YOU had your limits, and that you had better things to do than to dedicate every moment of your free time scouring the internet for information about people I may have mentioned ONCE over the past few years. I also thought that the last time I caught you sticking your nose in where it definitely didn’t belong, that my warnings would stick. But no….you only got worse. And so, since all this went down, I’ve had one foot in the mental hospital, and have been seriously contemplating cutting you out of my life. I really don’t want to have to do that, and you know it, but it’s getting to a point where I’m having panic attacks wondering what the hell you’re going to mention next, or who you’re targeting now, and how far you’re willing to go.

My life and my past are interesting to you, I know. People I know are interesting to you, and people I chose to cut off forever are apparently even MORE interesting. But my life is not your personal TV show. What you’re doing to me is such a violation it’s sick, and going even further and nosing around in the business of people who don’t even know you is even WORSE. And you don’t fucking GET IT. Because you’re ENTITLED to know EVERYTHING.

Half of me wants to keep you around, the other half wants to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction, but ALL of me knows that I will never be rid of you. You’re too damn obsessed. You need help. I’d like to see you get that help, but for all the subtle hints and blatant advice I’ve dropped on you over the past few years, nothing seems to sink in. I don’t know what to do with you anymore. I honestly care more about you than I do about any of my blood relatives, but I do have my limits with everyone (as far as they can be pushed, they do exist), and you should understand that if I am capable of finally cutting ties with my parents, I am capable of doing the same with you. Maybe, now that you know everything there is to know about my family, if and when that does happen, you can go and live with them. They’re so fucking nuts that there’s no way you can make THEM worse….at least I don’t think.

There is a chance that you will come across this. A big part of me hopes you do, because maybe then, you will finally GET IT. Because I’ve decided to give you just one more chance….just one more. There is only so much I can take, and if you drop another bomb on me, you are gone. I am tired of letting others’ problems become my problem, and this all has become nearly ENTIRELY my problem.

I don’t know you terribly well, which is why before I found out you were talking shit about me like it’s your damn job (I guess even you need a job), I refused to openly pass judgment on everything that’s obviously wrong with you. I don’t like judging people based on their appearance, stories I’ve heard (even if they’re from reputable sources), or even observations I’ve made myself on a few isolated occasions. But now that you’ve established that it’s okay to go beyond those restrictions and just start making things up to slam people who haven’t done a goddamn thing but grit their teeth and try to be as nice as possible, all bets are off.

You’re sickening, my dear. You’ve sickened me since before I ever even met you. I could not for the life of me see what in creation M ever saw in you, either as a friend or, no matter how long ago it was, as a *gag* lover. Attention whores are always pathetic, but you’ve taken it to a whole new level. I have never seen or heard of anyone who wants attention so badly, and gives so little of a crap where said attention comes from. I mean, what the FUCK do you possibly think you’re going to accomplish, walking around on a regular basis looking like a Hot Topic rockabilly version of Mimi from Drew Carey? You think it’s cute, obviously, but really, it’s anything but. You look like there’s something loose in your head. Should probably serve as an immediate warning to people like me who really should’ve been informed what a nasty, unstable bitch you were before we went out of our way to try and be nice to you.

But really, this has nothing to do with the fact that you look like a fucking clown. It’s not even the tip of the iceberg. What I really can’t stand about you is what a lousy, lazy, self-centred, lying, using, backstabbing piece of shit human being you are. I could have told you this well before you ever turned on me. It’s obvious that you literally do not care about ANYONE but yourself. You want something, you need to have it, and it seems like you’re always using other people and/or their money to get it. What the HELL sort of self-respecting adult woman would move in with a 19-YEAR-OLD BOY and start sponging off him, living the life of a professional student while he goes out and works so you can buy your Fluevog shoes and have your nasty hay-bale hair ‘did’ for $500?! What the hell sort of human being, adult or otherwise, would allow others to go into debt to fill their own needs (or more appropriately, wants, since no one actually NEEDS designer shoes), while they sit on their fat ass and get drunk off MORE of other people’s money? You clearly have as little shame in your actions as you do in your appearance, which is all at once sad and enraging.

Your sense of entitlement stretches so far, that even though you somehow have managed to live the life of Reilly for years, barely lifting a finger for yourself, if you encounter someone who has more and/or better things than you do, BECAUSE THEY WORKED FOR IT, you go ballistic. I see someone who has something I want, or has achieved something I want, I use it as an inspiration to work a bit harder and achieve it for myself. You, however, who don’t know the meanings of the phrases ‘hard work’ or ‘self control’, just sit there and HATE, and then put way TOO MUCH work into trying to discredit them, tear them down, or feel less-than. You obviously had a big problem with the fact that I was able to lose weight and keep it off, and you weren’t. Forget the fact that my idea of ‘dieting’ does NOT involve drinking heavily and scarfing down deep-fried foods every other day (and taking pictures of it and posting it on Facebook). Forget the fact that if I gain ten pounds, I drag myself to the gym, instead of posting status updates on FACEBOOK about how fat and miserable I am. You also seem to have a problem with the fact that I am a grown woman with a good job, and you, just a few years younger than myself, are not….and forget the fact that I spent years in school (that I paid for entirely MYSELF), doing coursework that actually made me fit for a REAL JOB, as opposed to your (nearly as overeducated) self, who spent years training to make a living of going on archeological digs. Speaking of that, good thing you finally realised there isn’t much of a call for turn-of-the-century-style explorers, but when you started applying to universities for a job, it should have hit you at some point that no matter how liberal the school, no one is going to want to hire Bozo the Fucking Clown as an instructor. But enough about your ridiculous appearance….worst of all is the fact that the main thing you seem to be slamming people for is GROWING UP….something you seem to be morally opposed to. Your railing against M (mostly behind his back, but also when he finally called you out) nearly ALL centred around his desire to start growing up and taking responsibility for himself, which, when you think about it, really isn’t such a bad thing for a person in their 30s to be doing. Sorry if it reminds you what’s wrong with YOUR life, but that’s not his fault or anyone else’s but your own. Life unfortunately isn’t all fun and games, and eventually, people need to get their shit together, whether or not that makes their ignorant, childish friends think they’re no longer ‘fun’. And is it really THAT much fun to have NO control over yourself or your life? Doubtful…in fact, judging by your words and actions, I don’t think you’re having very much fun at this point at all.

The things that you have said about me and others have no basis besides lies, jealousy, and bitterness. I write this letter here because I have no interest in contacting you ever again. You are gone from my life, and I am quite frankly beyond relieved. You can save your dishonesty and your drama for your 19-year-old ‘fun’ friends, but realise a few things: eventually, everyone worth a damn is going to outgrow you. Eventually there will be no one left to sponge off of. Eventually there will be no one left who buys into your BS. Eventually you’ll burn all your stable bridges. And eventually you will be forced to realise that what you were told a few months ago is true, and a LOT of people who pretend to like you, in reality, cannot stand you. One of these days there’ll be no one left to lie to but yourself, and while you’re pretty good at that, I suspect you won’t always be.

My advice: get an actual identity. Get some motivation. Get a fucking life. It’ll do you good in the long run.

Good bye.