….or how many other children-in-law and potential children-in-law you’ve badmouthed worse than you have me. I also don’t give a fuck that you qualify for senior discounts and are so morbidly obese you probably ALSO qualify for SSI. And I certainly don’t give a fuck about the lame ass excuses your mama’s boy son made up for you after he accidentally slipped up (big surprise) and told me what I’m assuming is just a small part of what you said about me.

Listen, you stupid cow, I may be over 25 years younger than you, but I’ve been through shit you couldn’t even imagine. I did not grow up in a cushy double-income house in the suburbs like your goddamn kids did. Quite the contrary…I was fending for and taking care of myself for as long as I could walk. But somehow, despite whatever uninformed bullshit you want to spew about me, I turned out a hell of a lot more functional than anyone that ever emerged from your manhole. If you’re in such a position to judge me and my emotional fitness, then how the FUCK come you couldn’t manage to raise your own son into a MAN? How come you had to wait nearly 30 years for ME to come along and do that hellish job for you? What in sam hell were you DOING all those years? Certainly not raising your other kids, that’s for sure….another bitch you can’t stand had to come along and raise your OTHER son for you, decades after the fact. I’ll admit I’m a bit nuts, but honestly, dear, so are you, and on top of that, you’re not much of a mother.

I know you don’t think I’m good enough for your darling son. I’m sure I WON’T be by the time I’m done with him, but when he landed in my lap, he was barely fit to be living on his own. How the fuck do you produce such high standards for your child’s mate when you’ve allowed him to disintegrate into a raging alcoholic, overgrown adolescent with obvious psychological and neurological issues, far undereducated and up to his eyeballs in debt before the age of 30? YOUR KID WAS JUST A COUPLE OF YEARS AWAY FROM LIVING IN A FUCKING CARDBOARD BOX IN THE STREET, and you’re deluding yourself into thinking he’s going to hook up with Donna fucking Reed?! Personally, I think he did damn well: he got himself a well-educated, well-employed, GROWN ASS WOMAN, who has issues of her own, yes, but has learnt to cope with and overcome them. He got someone who has your stubbornness and work ethic, but actually has expectations of him that meet his potential, and the balls to hold him to them. That’s all it took. I’m not a magician. I just give a shit about him. Which you obviously don’t. You just give a shit about finding something wrong with ME.

Your son is sober for well over a year. He isn’t whoring around. He’s got worthwhile friends who aren’t hanging around simply to take him for a ride. He’s working his ass off, and instead of adding to his debt, he’s starting to pay it off. He’s got names for his personal issues, and he’s addressing them and working on them. He is a completely different person from the one he was a few years ago. And *I* had a big hand in that. You….not so much so.

I’ll be honest with you, I do have issues. I come from a screwed up background, which you’ve obviously figured out. The details are, sadly for you, none of your fucking business, but suffice it to say, I grew up in hell. I have been diagnosed with the same exact problems as your son, no more and no less….and I’ve been dealing with them for years. I have had problems with addiction. Physically, I’m not well, and sometimes I have to agree….I may be a little bit too old for your son. But regardless of what you or anyone else has to say, I’ve done damn well for myself, and I’ve done damn well for him. You should be happy for us, and you should be happy that the mess you left has been cleaned up by someone who knew exactly where to start, and who had the foresight to realise that your son wasn’t destined to be nothing more than an eccentric drunk. And most of all, you should take your idiotic judgments and shove them up your fat, wrinkly ass. You can guarantee you won’t be seeing very much of me regardless, but let me hear ONE MORE UNPLEASANT WORD has escaped your lips regarding me, and you will be hearing all this….and more….to your face. I HAVE been to hell and back, dealt with people far worse than you, so if you think I’m going to keep putting up with this crap, you’re going to learn very soon just how crazy I can be.

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