We have had a roller coaster of a relationship the last few years, sometimes you have something for me, other times you are just empty inside… it hurts to see you so empty, and to know that you may be empty for a while. I have tried talking to you, begging you to just be ‘more’ but you give me nothing, I put so much into you and everything just rips you open and takes it all out. I am sorry we let the bank have it’s way with you, had I known that was going to happen we would have never introduced you.
I hope you will help be more stingy with yourself in the future, not allow your insides to become so empty. I know it is going to take a lot of work on my part to fix this relationship, but we will get there, we will figure it out like we always do… I need you, and I love you… I just wish there was more in you. 
No related posts.
Dear single friends,
We all go to the same bars and dance to the same songs and drink the same drinks. I listen to your troubles finding love sympathetically and offer advice when it is solicited. I sit left out while you chat each other up and flirt, feeling isolated and unincluded. Sometimes it feels like nobody wants to talk to me once they find out I’m not a potential mate and don’t want THAT kind of contact or attention, or maybe they don’t want people getting the wrong idea that they are after me instead of just listening to a friend.
After all, I am “a good catch.” I bet you didn’t know that even though I am beautiful, intelligent, successful and have someone, that I am just as lonely as you are. Maybe more so, because I have been trapped in a romance-free marriage for a long time now. Just because it looks like I am successful and happy doesn’t mean it’s true. I am not happy and very confused. I don’t think anyone cares. My partner does not listen when I try to talk about it. Won’t someone notice when I reach out for help? It is really hard for me to open up about things.
I like to solve my own problems and don’t like being a burden on anyone. It is hard to figure out your troubles when you have no one to REALLY talk to though. It is so much easier to just plod along and pretend. After all, it looks like I’m doing fine… Maybe it is my own fault. Oh, I know it is. I am only human though. I’m just tired of being a friend to others, while not having anyone be a real friend to me. My troubles are real too. All I really want is someone to spend time w/ me and really listen. To feel connected to something human again. I feel ashamed and isolated; a failure.
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- To S, the End of a Friendship
Dear boys,
I drink too much. I know it. Everybody knows it. I’ve never said it out loud, because if I say it out loud then that would mean I’d have to change. I don’t want to change. Everybody’s seen girls like me at the bar. Party girls. The ones you feel sorry for and kind of hate but at the same time you envy them because they have no inhibitions and they always look like they’re having a great time. But I get too drunk, too fast. I black out each and every single time. I am loud and fun and people love me when I’m drinking.
I make friends with everyone. With the bouncers, the bar tenders, the guys. I need men to like me. Can you understand that? I need the attention. Being drunk is the only time that I ever feel beautiful. It’s the only time my brain ever shuts off and I stop criticizing myself. Even if it’s only pretend, for five hours I get to feel funny and sexy and special. Aren’t we all trying to feel like that? So maybe it’s worth it.
It’s kind of funny that I spend so much time partying and degrading myself trying to create the feeling of being loved by someone else that, I can’t have functioning relationships because I hate myself. Everybody loves a party girl, nobody wants to date one.
I am telling you these things because next weekend or the weekend after or whenever you go to the club, I want you to look for me. I’m probably wearing stilletos, tight skinny jeans or a skirt. I have lipstick on and I’m on the dance floor and I’m laughing and flirting and I’m ridiculously drunk. Look for me. How do I seem? I look unconditionally happy right? I look sexy. Please be nice to me. Please be kind, and help me find my phone when I lose it. Please don’t try to take me home, and don’t buy me a drink, even if I ask you to.
Please just.. don’t let me fall down.
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