I am very much annoyed with myself at this point in time. I have very foolishly entered into a relationship with someone that I thought could make me happy. I am not sitting here and I have no idea what it is that I should do next. I moved in with him after only knowing him for three days, I knew that I loved him and I thought that I had been blessed by fate. Then he is sick and he doesn’t feel like physical contact then he is spends almost all of his time texting on his phone.
Then I lose my head and I look through the phone just to see and there it is a naked picture of a girl and an answer to the picture that I didn’t want to hear. Then I forgive you, but you do not stop. There is a picture of a new girl. You leave for the day and come back with a hickey on your neck and the deny it’s very existence. Then you break my heart and tell me that there is too much in your life to deal with a girlfriend. Then two days later you show up with another hickey on you neck.
It kills me. It’s not that I am so upset about him but that I always fail. I am so tired of failing. I am lost alone and I don’t know what to do next. I just don’t know what to do. I am sick of picking up the pieces of my life. I am afraid that the only way for me not to have to do this is to be alone. My greatest fear is being alone. I don’t want to be alone anymore. He is in the room with me now, but I have never felt more alone in the world than I do now.
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- Dear Friends…
I hope you get this in time, in time not to skip school today. Because if you do skip school today you are making a big mistake. Things are going to happen that will change you forever. Trust me, I’m you.
Today will be a horrible day, filled with happiness and stupidity, and you wont even know it is bad until the end. When you discover that your father tried to pick you up at school because your mother was dying. Yes, she is getting into a car accident today, and only lives for a few hours, wanting to say goodbye.
But you are going to skip school today, go to the mall and do things that you shouldn’t. Today is the day you loose your virginity and you will be awfully disappointed with that experience, as a matter of fact, the guy you are planning on having sex with gets arrested tomorrow and you won’t see him again for a year.
When you finally go home, hours after school ended, you will see police cars and a devastated father. You will assume you are in trouble, but will soon find out that what you did was not the matter at hand, yes, police are looking for you, to tell you your mother is dead. Your father will look at you as if you are the biggest disappointment, and you will feel that look to the core. Why did you have to skip today?
So if this letter somehow makes it back in time, please, please don’t skip school. And be sure to tell your mother you love her instead of leaving in a fight. The rest of your life will be haunted by today, no matter what happens, so try to change it.
Me…
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