Lovesick isn’t being lightheaded when your crush says something cute to you. Lovesickness is a chronic illness. My heart beats faster when someone mentions your name. All emotion retreats as I await your arrival. And finally when I do see your face.. my stomach twists into a knot and it takes everything in me not to throwup, scream and cry all at the same time. It kills me that you look happy. It kills me that you hesitated before approaching me. I don’t think you will never know how you made me feel tonight. I do my best to keep my eyes glued to whatever task I am half heartedly completing while my mind races through our time together. I can feel my body temperature rise in frustration and fear. Fear that only for a notice you’ll notice how much you affected me. Every time.. It’s not fair that I had to be a secret from her. I had to share my bed with you while you shared your heart with her. It’s not fair that you left me for something else. I waited for you. I resisted for you. I changed for you. What did I do? I was never going to chase you. I don’t know what to do. I am lost. I need help. I need your direction. I need you sleeping next to me. I need to wake up next to you. I need an excuse to talk to you. I need you. And you’ll never need me. I’m that girl I think is pathetic. I’ve turned myself into the self loathing creature that blames others for the way they act. I want to leave. Running would be easier then anything at this point.
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