Don’t know what I should want to want

I hope you know you ruined me. I can’t stop thinking about you everyday… I walk around campus and there you are. Why are you haunting me? Why does my brain turn into marshmallow fluff whenever I see you? All I want is to move on, and to be done. Oh f**k, I lied. All I want is for you to call, all I want is for you to hold me in your arms and love me like you love her. To f**k me and laugh with me and kiss my shoulders from where you’re sleeping behind me. Was that real?
You see what I mean? My brain is on a f**king loop of you. All you, all the time.

What does she have that I don’t? Why her and not me? Why am I so fixated on you when you were such a complete asshole to me?
I can’t separate what’s real and what’s pretend anymore. I can’t go a day without thinking of you. I can’t have my confidence back. I am an ugly girl that no one will ever love. I hope you know you ruined me.

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