Then I lose my head and I look through the phone just to see and there it is a naked picture of a girl and an answer to the picture that I didn’t want to hear. Then I forgive you, but you do not stop. There is a picture of a new girl. You leave for the day and come back with a hickey on your neck and the deny it’s very existence. Then you break my heart and tell me that there is too much in your life to deal with a girlfriend. Then two days later you show up with another hickey on you neck.

It kills me. It’s not that I am so upset about him but that I always fail. I am so tired of failing. I am lost alone and I don’t know what to do next. I just don’t know what to do. I am sick of picking up the pieces of my life. I am afraid that the only way for me not to have to do this is to be alone. My greatest fear is being alone. I don’t want to be alone anymore. He is in the room with me now, but I have never felt more alone in the world than I do now.

I hope you will help be more stingy with yourself in the future,  not allow your insides to become so empty.  I know it is going to take a lot of work on my part to fix this relationship, but we will get there, we will figure it out like we always do… I need you, and I love you… I just wish there was more in you. 

NO!

I need closure. For some weird reason I want to tell you everything that has been sitting inside me all these years. I want to tell you how hurt it made me every time you would ignore me for months and then all of a sudden act like nothing was wrong. Why did I love you so much? Was it because deep inside I wanted a friend so badly that I was willing to put up with you?

I want to tell you this to your face!

But you have unfriended me on facebook, won’t return my calls or emails. What gives you the right to drop me? Why did you get the pleasure of dragging me along on a 13 year friendship and then you say when to rip the chord?

I feel so used, so cheated. I don’t even get the pleasure of telling you off.

Perhaps that is wise. I should have let you go when you graduated high school. It is hard to do that when we live in the same small town the entire 13 years though. My friends know you and running into you is so possible.

You were my maid of honor!
I was at your son’s birth!
I was there for you when your baby’s daddy cheated on you!
I helped you with your business by introducing you to my friends.

And the entire time you kept acting like you were there for me too. But you started to show your true colors. You started to answer less and less phone calls.

I just want to know what you think I did wrong – cause you are insane! I have been nothing but a good friend to you! I am not writing this letter because I want you back as a friend – you suck at that job – but I want closure. I want vindication. I want to say goodbye. I don’t want you to be the one to drop me because I don’t deserve that!

But at least I got it all out and I can move on.

Signed,
Too Good a Friend For You.

What I did not like about you was you temper and the violence that I had to face from you. I never done anything that deserved that behaviour and committing it in front of your own child is really unforgivable.

I hardly have any relationship with my child and it’s all because of you. You have kept my son from having any proper father son relationship. It must have an affect on him. He needs to grow up with his mum and dad that don’t talk and that really is unforgivable.

My other son has only saw him 5 times; my other son is 2 now. What has the two of them done to deserve this? Not only does he grow up without any meaningful relationship with his dad he has a half brother he rarely sees. You are only punishing your son, you think you would have put him first but no you want to continue to try to punish me for having the sense to end our relationship.

Writers Website- Baby Names

After all, I am “a good catch.” I bet you didn’t know that even though I am beautiful, intelligent, successful and have someone, that I am just as lonely as you are. Maybe more so, because I have been trapped in a romance-free marriage for a long time now. Just because it looks like I am successful and happy doesn’t mean it’s true. I am not happy and very confused. I don’t think anyone cares. My partner does not listen when I try to talk about it. Won’t someone notice when I reach out for help? It is really hard for me to open up about things.

I like to solve my own problems and don’t like being a burden on anyone. It is hard to figure out your troubles when you have no one to REALLY talk to though. It is so much easier to just plod along and pretend. After all, it looks like I’m doing fine… Maybe it is my own fault. Oh, I know it is. I am only human though. I’m just tired of being a friend to others, while not having anyone be a real friend to me. My troubles are real too. All I really want is someone to spend time w/ me and really listen. To feel connected to something human again. I feel ashamed and isolated; a failure.

I try to accept your flaws and like you for who you are. But these simple little fixable things just bug me to no end! I am starting to have second thoughts about dating you. I am starting to regret ever saying yes. I want so much for this to work. And I feel horrible because I know you like me ALOT. But I also am trying to remember that I cannot stay in a relationship if only for the other person. I have to do what’s right for me.

I will hang in there for a while longer. I promise. We are still a fairly new couple and I have to give you a chance. Ya know?

And something has been going on that I haven’t told you. This girl on our bus who sits behind us goes on and on SO LOUDLY about how much of an ugly couple we are. It makes me want to cry. You don’t hear it and your lucky. But I hear it and it burns. It hurts so bad. I am thinking about punching her in the face. But then I realize how much trouble I will get in.. But then again it will feel so good.

The last thing I haven’t told you is that I flirt with other guys. I flirt with these guys because you don’t give me the attention and affection that I desperately need. I crave it. And you are not fulfilling that craving. Like COME ON! Hold my hand dammit! Put your arms around me. Don’t just walk there like some prude idiot! Seriously. If you don’t start giving me what I want, I am going to have to dump you. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, toots!

Love,
Your Transformers Girl

I make friends with everyone. With the bouncers, the bar tenders, the guys. I need men to like me. Can you understand that? I need the attention. Being drunk is the only time that I ever feel beautiful. It’s the only time my brain ever shuts off and I stop criticizing myself. Even if it’s only pretend, for five hours I get to feel funny and sexy and special. Aren’t we all trying to feel like that? So maybe it’s worth it.

It’s kind of funny that I spend so much time partying and degrading myself trying to create the feeling of being loved by someone else that, I can’t have functioning relationships because I hate myself. Everybody loves a party girl, nobody wants to date one.

I am telling you these things because next weekend or the weekend after or whenever you go to the club, I want you to look for me. I’m probably wearing stilletos, tight skinny jeans or a skirt. I have lipstick on and I’m on the dance floor and I’m laughing and flirting and I’m ridiculously drunk. Look for me. How do I seem? I look unconditionally happy right? I look sexy. Please be nice to me. Please be kind, and help me find my phone when I lose it. Please don’t try to take me home, and don’t buy me a drink, even if I ask you to.
Please just.. don’t let me fall down.

Atop the building, ready to ‘fly the final flight,’ I decided I might as well stick around and see what happens and I’m glad of this. However, I still feel bitter when I realize that I have never been able to love normally since then. I was only 13. Your misogynistic love of him over me and the other cousins he raped sickens me.

At least I have more normal relationships than you do and am slowly learning not to be afraid to care, even if it might be too little too late. I seem to be able to care about ideas but I fail to trust people I should trust, to the point that it is somewhat socially crippling. I hope you are crippled by guilt, but somehow I doubt it.

I am glad that some of my family understands, and my chosen family accepts me as the quirky person I am because of my many experiences, one being this. You never loved me. I am no longer so consumed with rage but I will never forgive you, even though you are such base creatures you have no idea it was wrong.

I hope you rot in the hell you believe in, even though I don’t believe in anything but randomness and personal will. May flights of devils bring you to your rest – all of you that sat on his side of the courtroom and all who tell me I’m overreacting if I refuse to come or storm off when you invite them over for family gatherings.