I’ve been trying so hard to forget you and I don’t think I can. You affected my life so much back then. It’s been years now and we’ve both moved on but in my heart I was trying to find a replacement for you and no one can replace you. You were bitter and sweet, not the right match for me but something in you ignited me and made me feel so young and alive. We were only 23. I felt on fire with you. I don’t even exactly remember how it all ended. All I know is that I was devastated. I cried everyday after that. It was like a death but you were still alive. No one has ever made me feel like you.
The saddest part to me is that to you I believe I was just another piece of hot ass. A fling for months, a toy. Something to be played with and when bored thrown in the trash. Well, I now know I am better than that. Much better and deserve more but somehow my heart still longs for those days. I can’t explain it.
We haven’t’ talked in years and then the other day we briefly had an encounter online through mutual friends and you acted as though I was a stranger. That hurts the most. Realizing I was just another “notch in your bedpost”. You acted as though you had no idea who I was. Maybe it was to save face. I was the nicest I could have been to you and your family. I babysat your niece. I spent time with your sister and mom and I even brought over juice and baked goods when I came over your mom’s house. Because that is how I was raised to be kind and have manners. It was wasted on your family. I feel so stupid now for being so nice. Your mom called my mom and told her how I “make you a better man.” After all that I don’t know how you can pretend I am a stranger. I guess it’s easier for you than admitting blame.
I guess none of that mattered to you. You never apologized for ripping my heart out. Maybe because you don’t see yourself and how much I truly loved you. You took my love for granted. You told me we’d be together forever and move in together and had the sweetest pussy you’ve ever tasted. As much as it hurts I am certain it was all a game to you and once you got the prize you moved on. It wasn’t a game to me. I truly loved you and I tried so hard to make things work but you were already on to the next. the only things I can thank you for are- your encouragement to get my degree and the lesson I learned about how actions mean everything and words are just empty syllables until you someone shows you how much they care. With you, it was all words and no actions and I fell for it. you and it ripped my life apart.
Now I know better. I am older,wiser and jaded. Thanks to you. I know you will go on and live your life, just as angry as ever. I am hurt and angry too and as much as you complain about how your family done you wrong maybe it’s punishment for treating me like something disposable when I am the best, more pure intentioned person you will ever meet. Too bad your upbringing and life is so poor you can’t see the diamond that is me and for you that is truly sad.
