I just want to let you know that you saved me. I have been on the brink about fifteen times. Ready to end it to give up. But you were there, you never left you were always there to help me be happy again. You never judged me for being crazy. You just laugh with me when my mood changes again. You told me to be strong and that I can do it. You believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. You always brightened my day. On the dark days I remember the times you made the sun shine. When I get scared I think of the days that you were there to protect me. When I thought I couldn’t make it I thought of the times that you told me “you are strong” “you can do it”. Thanks I know that me saying thanks is no good way to pay you back for putting up with my stuff in the last few months. BUT THANKS.. I LOVE YOU BOTH.
I went to your grave for the first time this summer. I put my graduation picture on it. I had planned on keeping my shit together until I saw “loving father” written on it. Loving father? How were you ever even my father if you died when I was two? I wanted to beat the headstone into tiny pieces with my fists when i read that. I could have set the whole damn cemetery on fire. Loving fathers do not abandon their daughters or their wives.
Loving fathers do not hang themselves from basement rafters in the middle of the afternoon. I wonder if you’re in heaven. Do you know I’m writing this right now? Did you see the beautiful parts of my life? Graduating from high school, or falling in love or turning eighteen? How about when my life spiraled out of control. Did you see that? Did you see me do all those drugs or blow off college or sleep with all those nice guys from the bar? (more…)
Dear Lindsay, you didn’t know, you didn’t know what kind of man he was to me. He was the man that would never hurt me. The man who I trusted with my whole self. It was not your fault he went to you…we weren’t even really together at that point, so cheating is not the word… He lied to me, you didn’t even exist in my mind for the longest time. When he told me of you I was so utterly crushed, the one man I thought would never hurt me had lied to me over and over… had dated you for a month while I was ‘away’.
We talked everyday you know? While he was seeing you, he told me he was waiting, waiting for me to get better, to get home. I didn’t have a clue he was seeing you. The day I found out that you had ‘been’ I saw him differently. He was not the man I thought he was. Not the man I came home for. (more…)
Mother,
The last time I saw you, when I was 15, half a decade ago, you told me you had done your best. And I believed you.
Your best wasn’t good enough.
You said you loved me. And I don’t believe you. If that is what love is, I don’t want anything to do with it.
You didn’t love me enough to protect me from him. You didn’t love me enough to believe me.
I’m not afraid of you or of him anymore, and I feel confident that neither of you will ever be able to find me.
You have hurt me, but you no longer have any impact on my life. Nothing that you did, nothing that he did, none of it has scarred or damaged me. I won’t let it. You have no power over me.
I’m a strong, brave, compassionate person. And you have nothing to do with that. And it’s sad that you won’t get to be a part of my life. It’s sad that you’re too afraid to do what I did and just leave, run away, start over.
I forgive you. May you find peace and happiness.
What is the point of writing a unsent letter? To write a letter to someone without the intention of sending it gives you the ability to completely open up, to let your emotions run free. You will not have to worry about holding back anything out of fear of the other persons feelings, or even out of your own embarrassment about what you feel. So even if you are overy angry about something that you know in your head you shouldn’t be upset about, you need to get those feelings out, being able to submit a letter anonymously allows you to do that.
Take the popular site “Post Secret” for example, people send in random post cards about confessions, secret loves, hates, etc. Sharing that information can make you feel less alone, and possibly even help someone in your situation. Many feelings that we have, whether it is anger or guilt or even love for someone we can’t (or shouldn’t) have, are not ours alone. You may be thinking that you are crazy, that no one else could possibly feel the way you do about a situation, but you would be suprised at just how many others secretly share the same feelings.
Your letter does not have to be heart warming and sweet, it can be full of anger, sadness, or even rage. That is the joy of writing under a pen name, no judgment, no regret. I hope you enjoy reading the letters, and I can’t wait to read yours!
To Mr. Lawrence, I worked with your fat stinky self for three years. Doing everything you asked me to do, getting criticized day after day when you were pissed off at your wife. I did jobs that were below me, jobs that had nothing to do with hat I was hired for… doughnuts anyone? Then after three freaking years you decide to tell me that because of the ‘economy’ it just isn’t working? Then tried to make me feel two foot tall by telling me all the things I did wrong!
I happen to know that your stupid little business is doing just fine, not anymore of course since I rearranged all the files, good luck finding someone in this middle school drop out town to figure out that mess! Maybe it was wrong, but even more wrong was you trying desperately to cheat on your wife, only you were too fat to ever find a little mistress. Why she is even with you is beyond me, maybe it’s the money- but soon you wont have much of that, I fu$%ed up your filing system enough to make it impossible to contact the right customers and order the right materials.
The next time you decide to fire someone because even they wont go down on you you should think about this, the hell you are going through right now trying to figure out where everything went- oh yeah, and the call you will be getting today from the lawyer about the sexual harassment and subsequent firing… have fun explaining that one to your wife! You won’t actually have to explain anything, remember the security cameras you put in the shop last year- yeah- those are still working, and the tapes are among the missing crap in the office, three copies- one to my lawyer, one to your wife, and another for backup… again, F*%K off, lets see you get around this one!
Shove it,
T.S.
