To: B From: Me

its 12:48am on november 21st 2011.. my twentieth birthday. i can now say that i have not seen you, touched you, felt you since i was 18 years old. a year ago today, i waited for you. a call. a text. a message. anything. it didnt come. i must have heard from over 300 people, congratulating me on yet another year of life. but all i heard from you was silence. a year has passed since then. and though we have been in touch a few brief times during my nineteenth year, i have no assurance that you will acknowledge me today. its sad, really. im in love. i have loved you for 582 days now. i love your ridiculous haircut. i love those two awkwardly placed freckles on your right cheek. i love how your eyes change color from green to brown and that you have a habit of biting your lip, just like i do. i love your name and how you would seductively slide your tongue over my teeth when you kissed me. i love your smell and the way you could send my whole body into chills by merely trailing your fingers down my sides or back. i love your corney jokes and how you made fun of me for constantly tripping and running into things. i love feeling your breathe on my neck and hearing the way you called me by my first and middle name. i love your jawline and your stupid crooked smile. i love your teeth and how you get those little wrinkles above your nose when you laugh. i love your warm hugs and the way you use play with my long hair and look at me like you had never seen anything so beautiful in your whole life. i love how you got jealous and the way you would rub my back when i laid on your chest, listening to your hearbeat. that is why i will wait again this year. for a call. a text. a message. anything. it wont come. i will hear from over 300 people, congratulating me on another year of life. but all i will hear from you will be silence. but wait i will. and when the clock strikes midnight on november 22 2011, i will lose all hope for that “happy birthday, gorgeous” that i yearn so badly to hear you say. i will lay in my bed, hating mysef for being such a naive, stupid and pathetic girl. i will flashback to when we first met. i will flashback to all our meetings since. i will make up scenerios in my head that will never happen. i will over analyze and wonder what went wrong to make you leave me the way you did. i will miss you, get angry and regret ever meeting you and then miss you again. i will long for your smell, your laugh, but especially your kiss. i will plead clarity with God, begging for answers as to why i cant stop loving you. and then i will quitely cry until i am exhausted enough to drift into sleep, exaclty as i did a year ago on the early morning of november 22, 2010 as a nineteen year old and exactly as i will a year from now on the early morning of november 22, 2012 as a 21 year old.

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